


Falling in Reverse

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Criminal!Reader, F/M, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of Violence, Shrink!Kylo, Smut, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:58:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: You, the most notorious criminal in the city, could be the biggest challenge in Dr. Solo’s career.





	1. Bruise

“Are you aware of what you’re up to, doctor Ben Solo?” Nick Sandow, the director of the Calm Valley prison asks the young man he has in front of him.

“I think it’s a little too late to ask for that, don’t you think, director?” Ben Solo uses the same tone Nick used. Just because he’s older than him, he’s not backing up and he has to prove him he’s capable of the task they gave him.

“I need to be sure you know about the difficult task, almost impossible, I’d dare to say, you have.” Nick puts both of his hands on top of the desk and thinks he’s too old to deal with criminals like you. Maybe he should retire. Since your arrival, he felt he aged ten years in six months.

“You gave me a car, a big duplex and a big paid. Of course, I’m aware of how desperate you are,” Ben says back. He’s wearing a dark blue shirt and black pants. He uses a pair of frames and his hair is curly and short.

“We hired you because we heard you’re the best. We’ve tried everything with no results, so maybe you, with your new methods can change that.” Nick doesn’t want to admit out loud that basically, no other doctor wanted this job and Ben Solo was their only hope.

“I will change that,” Ben says confident of himself. He might be young but he has more knowledge and experience than other doctors that are older than him.

“Have you read the file?” Nick asks.

“Yes, I have. I think it’s gonna be a challenge but I’m up to it.” Just like Nick who doesn’t want to admit certain things out loud, Ben doesn’t want to admit the first thoughts he had when he saw your file. He thought how dangerously beautiful you look, even with no make-up and in prison clothes there was something about you that attracted Ben. Perhaps, it was your confidence, your devious smile or that flirting wink you do.

“I think it’s gonna be more than a challenge,” Nick sighs. His back hurts and it seems he’s getting a migraine.

“May I ask what happened to the other shrinks?”

“I knew you were going to ask for it.” Nick stands up and with tired steps, he goes to a file cabinet to get a folder and put it in front of Ben Solo.

* * *

_6 months before_

The first shrink that you see is the typical prison shrink. Yes, he has a title but he was basically defeated by life and tired of his old boring job.

They make the mistake to put you a simple pair of handcuffs and sit you in his office. Just because you don’t have traditional weapons such as a gun or a knife, it doesn’t mean you can’t kill. You prefer to see it as a way to get creative and use your surroundings.

“(Y/N) (L/N),” the shrinks say without looking you in the eyes. Probably, he’s scared or cares too little about you.

“That’s me,” you say and lean back on the chair.

“You’re a criminal, a thief, a murderer and a drug dealer,” he starts reading your file. “Wanna tell me why?”

You can’t believe this guy’s words. Does he even a shrink? How did they hire him? You roll your eyes and sigh deeply, sure about what you have to do.

“I’ll tell you why.” In three seconds you grab a pencil that’s on a vase on the desk and jump at him, stabbing him in the eye with it. You make sure to push the pencil as far as you can. Stupid guy, you’re handcuffed but you’re agiler than him.  

Jets of blood spurt out of his eye and his screams alert the guards, but it’s too late. The blood is a lot and his body twitches in short spams.

“That’s it, (L/N)! You’re going to max!” one of the guards scream at you. Meanwhile, another one hits you until you’re on the floor. A little punishment for what you did but it was worth it.

“You guys,” you laugh and notice your ribs hurt. “Human Resources should hire better employees.”

The second shrink they assign you is a woman, so you decide not to hurt her. At least not so soon.

It’s clear that she’s shaking of fear under that professional facade, probably she heard what happened to the previous doctor.

“You look tense, doctor,” you say. Your intentions are honest, you just want her to relax.

“I’m not,” she says with a stern voice.

“Wanna hear a joke?”

“I think we should start our session with you telling me how you feel being here.”

“What do they have in common a pizza delivery and a gynecologist?”

“Please, (L/N), focus.”

“They can smell it but they can’t taste it,” you say and erupt in a laugh, satisfied at your own joke.

The doctor doesn’t want to give too much importance to the joke, but little does she know jokes is the only thing you’d say in your sessions. Until she gets fired and they have to find someone new.

The third doctor they hire it’s only for you. You’re a little bit tired of going to max to a meeting room and then back to max. So you opt to stay silent during all the sessions. No matter how much he tries to make you walk, you just stare at him, with a bored frown.

“(Y/N), you know that you need to tell me something, anything if you want me to help you,” he says one day.

Those words make you furious. Because you didn’t ask for any help and yet here you are, like a sick patient, asking for the doctor’s mercy.

You drag your chair backward and stand up, your hands and feet are handcuffed but you can still walk. You see the fear in his eyes and you’re tempted to do to him what you did to the first one. Except there’s nothing on this room you can use. There are only a table and two chairs.

Once you’re at his side, you bend down and whisper something that no one will ever know, except him. Satisfied with yourself you return to your chair.

That day will be the last day they see the doctor. And no one will know about him anymore.

* * *

“Now you’re now what you’re dealing with,” Nick says as Ben reads the file of the three doctor that previously treat you.

“When can I see her?” he asks.

“Right now, if you want. We’ll prepare a room for you. I’m sure you already know about the warnings like not giving her any object.”

“Of course I know it,” Ben says in a sarcastic tone. He stands up and grabs his briefcase, hanging it on one shoulder.

“And Ben,” the director stops him. “Whatever you do, don’t trust her.”

* * *

As Ben waits on the meeting room, he wonders how you’re gonna act with him. He feels a mix of fear and excitement. From one side, he’s scared you’ll hurt him like the first doctor but he can’t help to feel excited about the challenge this is gonna be. And all the experience he’ll get.

He just hopes you collaborate, even telling dumb jokes. But as long as you don’t stay silent during all the session.

He observes the room, the white light on the roof, the metal chairs and tables, the dominant silence on it. Silence that is interrupted by the sound of the door being opened.

You’re the first one to enter, followed by a tall guard. Just like the director said, you’re handcuffed from the hands and feet.

“Don’t play smart, (L/N)” the guard warns you and sits you on the chair. Then, he looks at Ben. “All yours, doctor.”

Ben has seen you in pictures but in person, you’re more intimidating. It’s like your presence surrounds the whole room like you irradiate more danger.

But he’s a professional, he has to be, he reminds himself. He feels an itch all over his face but ignores it. He gulps down and then speaks:

“Hi, (Y/N). I’m Dr. Ben Solo. I’m your new shrink.”

This is it. The decisive moment. The moment that will dictate your relationship. He waits for your reaction.

“Hi, I’m (Y/N). But you probably already know that” you smile at him and it’s like you turn into an innocent girl. “Nice to meet you.”

Ben was prepared for anything, even for you to try to kill him, but not this. This kindness, the warm smile, and the sweet voice.

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N).” He clears his throat and pretends he looks down at his hands. Because he feels he can’t hold your gaze for too long.

“I like your frames,” you say. “And that’s a nice shirt.”

Ben stays dumbfounded at your compliments. It’s well known you’re very bad-mouthed, rude and cruel to people. Yet here you are, acting like a real lady.

“Thank you,” he says. And in his mind, he has to remind himself to stay professional.

“Please, don’t say that my clothes are nice because we know they aren’t,” you joke, referring to your ugly orange uniform.

“No, I wasn’t going to say that.” He can’t help to chuckle because he thought about saying exactly that for a moment.

“Can I call you Ben?” you ask and stare at him blinking, like a kid waiting for permission.

“If it makes you feel more comfortable I don’t mind.” He shrugs and notices how your face illuminates.

“Alright, Ben. I promise I won’t call you Benny,” you say and you make him laugh again. More than a patient/doctor session, it feels like a date.

“So, (Y/N), what do you want to talk about today?” he asks you.

“I don’t know, you’re supposed to tell me.”

“Not today. Today we can talk about anything you want.”

“Mmm,” you tilt your head to your side. “I can tell you how boring is max. Do you think you can get me out of there?”

“It’s too soon for that. We have to see how our sessions go.” He’s a little hurt that you’re trying to manipulate him but what did he expect?

The hours the session lasts, you spend it telling him about what you do on a normal day and how the guards mistreat you.

“I can show you some ugly bruises,” you tell him and he nods because he doesn’t believe you. You’re well known for manipulate and lie to people.

You stand up and Ben flinches at the sound your chair makes. He panics for a moment, thinking you’re about to attack him but he forces himself to stay calm.

With both hands, you lift your shirt a little, exposing your torso. He sees the beginning of a greenish bruise on the side of your body. Then he looks up at your face and finds an immense sadness.

How can they beat you like that? And only where’ it’s not visible. He read you’ve been behaving well for the past months, so there’s no reason for those recent bruises.

“No matter what I do, I’m the one who always provokes him.” You put your shirt down but don’t sit down again.

“I can speak to the director about it,” he suggests.

But before he can say anything else, the door is open and the same guard from the beginning enters.

“Trust no one, Ben,” you whisper before the guard takes you away.  

* * *

Ben looks at the pictures and re-read your file. He’s at his new apartment and from time to time he looks over his shoulder. He has the feeling you’re with him, watching him closely. Like a presence that got stuck with him since the day he met you.

He can’t get you out of his head and he hates himself for it. He knows you’re tricking him, that you’re playing nice so you can take advantage from the situation. He has read your file and your medical record.

His eyes travel to your mugshot, the day they arrested you the police beat you up. So in the picture, there’s a trail of blood coming down from the corner of your lip. He brushes his finger on it like he could clean it. And then, he remembers the bruises on your ribs and finds himself wishing he can run his fingers through your tender skin and tell you to lean on him.


	2. Free

Ben looks himself in the mirror of the restroom of the prison. He’s minutes away to have another session with you and he’s hiding in here.

For some strange reason that he can’t quite get, he’s more nervous now that he met you. There’s something with the way you look at him as if you know something about him that is unknown to him.

He puts his glasses in place and smoothes his shirt. He spent extra time this morning choosing it.

“Ready or not, Ben, you gotta do the job,” he tells to himself and pushes the door.

* * *

He’s in the same room with no furniture except the table and two chairs. He taps the crayón on his hand against the notepad he has. Pen and pencils are forbidden since you stabbed the first psychiatrist. So like a kid from kindergarten, he has to settle with crayons. Not that he writes a lot during the sessions. He prefers to spend them listening to every word that you say and interacting with you.

The door opens and takes him out of his thoughts. You enter, handcuffed and with a guard behind you.

“Hi, Dr. Ben,” you happily exclaim.

Ben can’t help but smile at how cheerful and happiness you sound, he wants to believe he has something to do with that happiness.

“Hi, (Y/N),” he points at the chair with his hand. “Take a seat, please.”

“You hear that Chad?” you look at the guard. “It’s called manners, something you don’t have.”

“Zip it, loonie,” Chad, the guard, says. He’s clearly annoyed that you want to embarrass him in front of the doctor.

“Please, no arguments. This is a safe place,” Ben says. But in his mind, he agrees that Chad could learn some manners.

“Safe place for who?” Chad smirks and walks out of the room.

“Sorry about that. That man has no manners,” you say and shake your head.

“(Y/N), I’ve been thinking. I can talk about the guards beating you up.”

“No, no,” you refuse. “I appreciate it but you only gonna make it worse.”

“They can’t beat you like that.”

“They can. And they will. But don’t worry, Ben, I have one or two tricks on my own.” You grin and wink an eye at him.

“Eeeerm, yes, of course. If that’s what you want.” He plays with the notepad and the crayon on the table, moving them side to side.

“What are we going to do today, doctor?” You sit straight and put all your attention on him.

“I wanna talk about dreams,” he says.

“Dreams?” you frown. “What kind of dreams?”

“Your dreams. Do you ever dream, (Y/N)?”

The smile on your face erases and you breathe deeply. You’re carefully thinking about your next words.

“I had a dream the other night,” you finally say.

“What did you dream?” Ben leans closer as if you’re about to tell him a secret.

“Isn’t it funny?”

“(Y/N), the dream,” he insists.

“The prison is called Calm Valley but… there’s no calm in here.”

“Maybe at night, there is.” Ben doesn’t know where you wanna get.

“Oh, Ben,” you snicker. “At night is where there’s no calm at all. Each of us fights with our demons and you can hear us scream terrified of them.”

Ben blinks in realization that he doesn’t know a lot of how this prison/psychiatric Ward works.

“Because,” you continue talking. “The ghosts you carry with, you can trick them with a valium. But your inner demons? Those bastards fuck you right in the ass.”

If it was another person, Ben would think you’re joking but the way you said it, leaves no doubt you’re talking seriously.

“But, anyways, the dream,” you say and Ben almost forgot about it. “I dreamed I was free.”

“Please, keep going.” He’s tempted to write your dream, he has the feeling this is something important.

“All the doors were open, there were no guards, no security. I was free to walk out of this place.”

“And then, did you do it? Did you walk out?”

“No,” you shake your head and laugh. “I tried to, believe me, but every time I tried a snowstorm broke, making it impossible to walk.”

“You were doomed to stay here forever,” Ben says.

“Probably…”

A silence settles between you two, each of you lost in your thoughts. Then, you speak:

“Are you free, Ben?”

“Uh?” The question surprises him and he’s left speechless.

“Are you free?” you repeat your question. But you hear the door is being open, meaning your time is up.

“It’s time, loonie,” Chad says.

You roll your eyes but stand up, he tries to grab your arm but one look of you is enough to make him step back.

“Goodbye, Dr. Ben. A pleasure as always,” you turn around and say.

Ben only nods and stares at the door until Chad and you walk out.

* * *

“Are you free?” The question makes an echo in his mind as he studies his notes.

It’s late at night and he can’t sleep, your voice making noise over and over in his mind. He made sure to write the dream you told him about. It’s obvious that there’s something holding you back in that prison, and it’s not the handcuffs or your cell. Why couldn’t you leave in your dream?

“Are you free, Ben?” he hears in his mind. All his life he worked to prove he’s not another rich kid. He took tons of jobs to pay his student loans and he was determined to make his own path on the medical field.

But still, from time to time, he feels guilty. Guilt that he’s not the son his parents want, guilt that he has been always different since he was a kid, guilt that he doesn’t meet up with social expectations. He’s more than thirty years old and he doesn’t have a wife and three kids. He doesn’t even have a dog to take care.

No, he’s not free. But unlike you, his chains are invisible to the human eye.

He looks down at his notes and remembers the words that you say about the inner demons of each one.

“You’re right, (Y/N),” he sighs tired but sleepless. “You’re totally right.” He realizes that it’s at night that our demons come to haunt us.


	3. Crisis

“And the idiot thought I was joking when I told him I’ll put a bullet between his eyes,” you say. You’re in another session with Dr. Solo and this time you’re telling him about the time some idiot thought you’d like to buy girls to whore them.

“Wow,” Ben shakes his head. “I can’t say I approve your methods but you did well by saving those girls.”

“I offered them a ticket back home but most of them decided to stay and worked for me.”

“Amazing.” He pushes his glasses up and looks at his papers. He has nothing written, too entertained with your story to write something.

“You’re hiding something.” You narrow your eyes and observe Ben.

“What?”

“You’re hiding something from me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Your eyes give you away. What is it? Wait,” you put a hand on your chest, pretending you’re shocked. “Are you seeing another girl?”

“What? No. I’m not sure it’s even a date,” Ben hears himself saying.

“So there is another girl?” You grin at how easy was to discover his secret.

“We shouldn’t be talking about my personal life,” he scolds you.

“Boo,” you stick out your tongue at him. “You’re no fun, doctor.”

* * *

“I’ve been working for them as an assistant manager for three years,” Mia, Ben’s date, tell him.

It was his mom who got him this date, saying he should meet new people and go out more. Mia seems nice, she has a perfect smile and kind eyes, her blonde hair falls past his shoulders and she’s wearing a brown dress.

Ben nods at what she’s telling him, but his mind is somewhere else. He can’t help to imagine that is you the one who’s sitting in front of him and not Mia. You’d be wearing a dress, black of course, he read on your record file that you always wear black. Your hair would be upon a messy bun and you’d be wearing light make-up.

And most important, the conversation wouldn’t be so boring. You would talk to him about your life, your dreams, your passion.

“Ben? Hey, Ben?” Mia says and Ben snaps out of his daydreaming.

“Sorry” he apologizes. “What were you saying?”

“Your phone is ringing,” she timidly adds.

“Oh, right.” He was so distracted, dreaming about you, he didn’t even notice the ringing of his phone.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Dr. Ben Solo, it’s doctor Young,” the man says at the other side of the line. He sounds agitated like he has been running before making the call.

“Good evening, doctor. How can I help you?” Ben says.

“We have a situation in here. Your patient, (Y/N) (L/N). I don’t know what happened. She’s having a violent episode.”

“What are you talking about?” Ben calls the waiter with his hand to ask for the check.

“She injured one of the guards. Really bad. And now she’s on her cell refusing to take her meds. We need your help.”

“I’m on my way,” Ben says and gives Mia a look like apologizing he has to go. “Wait, she doesn’t have anything on her cell. How did she hurt them?”

“She bite him on the neck and hit a vein. He almost bled out.”

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Dr. Young asks Ben when he arrives at the prison.

“She’s my patient. I’m going in,” Ben says. He’s about to enter your cell with no protection, no guards, no anything. Just him.

From this side of the door, he can’t hear anything. One guard opens it and Ben puts a foot inside. Your mattress is rolled over on the floor, some books are scattered through the cell and there’s a generous amount of blood smeared on the floor.

You are bend down over yourself in a corner of the cell, you’re grabbing your head with both hands and you’re balancing back and forward.

“(Y/N)?” he calls you but he receives no answer. He approaches you,  with light steps, ready for anything.

“It’s me, Ben.” He uses a lower tone of voice not wanting to upset you.

“Ben?” You look up, your cheeks stained with tears and your eyes are red and puffy.

“Yes, it’s me,” he kneels next to you. “What happened?”

“They caught me, Ben. My demons.”

Seeing you so vulnerable, he can’t help but feel a pinch of love for you. You look so devastated, so defeated by life. Knowing that no guard will enter after what happened to one of them, he does something that he’s not entirely sure it’s professional.

He grabs you with both arms and sits against the wall with you on his lap. You immediately lean your head on his chest and throw an arm over his neck.

“Shhh,” he soothes you. His voice is like a balsam for your hurt should. “I’m here. You don’t have to face them alone.”

You and he stay in that position for a while, Ben cradling you in his arms and whispering sweet things in your ear. You have no tears left to cry but you hold on to his body as if he was your life saver.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry I ruined your date.”

Ben chuckles and brushes his thumb on your arm. Then, he says:

“Between you and me, I prefer to be here with you.”

“I like your shirt,” you giggle.

“You like all my shirts,” he teases you.

“True,” you say and nest on his chest again.

* * *

Ben rolls over on his bed, unable to sleep. After he calmed you, you obeyed the other doctor and took your meds and went to bed.

They congratulated him for being so professional and efficient, telling him that no one before could deal with you on that state.

He can’t stop thinking that you know he had a date and on the same night you chose to have a crisis. Did you do it on purpose? What it’s worse is that he’s not even mad. He’s actually glad that you did because at this point he prefers to spend time with you than with a boring girl.

And he got to hold you. How amazing was that? He reminisces about how small your frame was in his arms and how lost you looked before he arrived. But everything changed once he holds you. Him. The responsibility of making you feel better.

He rolls over again and hugs a pillow against his body. He closes his eyes and pretends that it’s you, that you’re right here with him on bed. Suddenly, his mind gets foggy and dozes off.


	4. Care

Nick Sandow walks from one side to the other in his office. In front of him, sitting on a chair it’s Ben Solo.

“You know, doctor Solo,” Nick begins to say. “In all the time criminal (Y/N) has been here, she has never behaved so well. Of course, not considering the outburst she had last week.”

Ben frowns, not knowing where Nick is going with his talk. Is he praising him?

“I feel I’m making some progress with her,” he says. He doesn’t want to give too much away about how your treatment is going. Because that’s private, something between doctor and patient.

“Dr. Solo,” Nick sneers. He sits on his chair and looks at Ben. “We’re not looking progress with this kind of people. We just want to have them controlled.”

Ben opts to stay quiet because he knows that’s not his job. He’s a doctor who wants his patient to get better and be cured. That’s all. And the fact that Nick is admitting this out loud talks a lot about how things are managed on the prison.

“Anyways,” Nick decides to change the topic. “I’ve been thinking we can give you more patients. If you could do that with (Y/N), I could only imagine what you can do with the others.”

Ben’s lips set into a hard line, he’s not sure he likes the idea of seeing more patients. That will occupy his time and attention in other ones and not in you.

“Thank you, for the trust,” he says. What more can he do? After all, Nick is still his boss.

The conversation is over and Ben stands up from the chair and walks to the door. Today he has no sessions programmed with you and he only came to Calm Valley to talk with Nick.

He walks through the hallways, at each guard he sees, he nods his head and they nod their heads back.

Too concentrated in his own thoughts he doesn’t realize he’s in the area where the not so dangerous criminal pass the time.

“Dr. Solo!” someone screams. “Careful!”

Ben looks up and narrows his eyes, not knowing what he should be careful of. But when he realizes it’s too late. A short bald man with a prisoner uniform is running at his direction with a knife in his hand.

Ben tries to run but is tackled by him. The man grasps the knife and Ben closes his eyes, sure that this is his certain death.

But something else happens. The man laughs hysterically and without doubt, he pokes his right eyes with the knife. Ben cringes at the image and some blood spurts staining his chest.

“You fucking psycho!” one of the guards yells as he lifts the bald man by the arms. With no eye, he’s still laughing.

Several nurses and guards surround the man, trying to contain him. One of the nurses having a syringe with a sedative on it.

Ben crawls backward through the floor. The smell of blood fills his nostrils and he’s on the verge of a panic attack. Because it doesn’t matter they took the man down, the image of him laughing and poking his eye out repeats over and over on his mind.

When he stands up, he notices the shake of his knees. He tries to breathe in and out but ultimately decides to hide into a supply closet. At least, until the panic attack passes.

“It’s completely normal, Ben,” he tells himself, trying to calm. “You just saw a man taking his eye out.”

He’s too focused on his own terror and the palpitations of his heart, that he doesn’t hear when the door is open.

“Ben?”

He turns around and sees it’s you who entered the supply closet.

Without thinking two times, he throws himself at your arms and you hug him back. He’s so much taller compared to you that he has to bend down.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you say while you rub his back.

In return, he hugs you back tighter as if his arms don’t want to let you escape. For a moment, time stops in this supply closet.

When he feels his heartbeat returns to normal, he steps back and takes a look at you. You’re not wearing handcuffs and he suddenly remembers you’re not even allowed to be out of your cell.

“What are you doing here? How did you get?” he asks.

“Oh,” you snicker. “I told you I have my tricks.” You wink an eye at him and there it is, that look that makes his legs shake and his heart take a leap.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he pretends to scold you.

“Are you going to snitch on me?”

You manage to make him laugh, with the playful tone you adopted. Then, he says:

“Come. I’ll walk you to your cell.”

“Can we hold hands, please?” Your hand grabs him and you pout at him.

“No,” he says but then lifts both of your hands and leaves a kiss on yours. “You know we can’t.”

But that kiss was enough for you to obey him and walk back to your cell. Hours later, sitting on your bed, you’ll watch your hand closely, as if his lips left a marked. And you’ll think about your next move.

* * *

Ben put a movie on Netflix to fall asleep, but the movie is almost over and he’s not even looking at the screen. All his life, he thinks, he has been known for taking care of the others. When he was a kid, he had to make sure his parent’s marriage work and as a doctor, he has patients to take care of and heal. But today he discovered he can be nurtured too. And by the most dangerous criminal in the city.

How powerful must you be for making him forget the incident with the bald man and only remember the moment you shared in that supply closet?

Dangerously powerful, he thinks. He doesn’t even know why he gave you that kiss. But you’re responding well at his treatment, so he must be doing something good.

“Tomorrow,” he mumbles. Tomorrow he will set some boundaries.


	5. Pudding

The Calm Valley prison is in silence, occasionally some voices and noises can be heard but everything seems peaceful and in place.

Today, Ben had to do the night shift. Since they gave him more patients, every two weeks he has to do this shift on the prison, spending the night locked in his office (which they gave it to him too) studying your case. So far no crisis or incident has passed, so the nurses don’t bother him.

It’s almost midnight and his eyes burn and feel heavy because of the reading. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, in an attempt to fully wake up. Then, he gets up, deciding he needs more coffee if he wants to survive the night.

The break room is on the opposite side of where his office is, away from where they keep the prisoners/patients. He thinks it’s because the employees don’t want to spend their break next to the prisoners.

The long corridor is only illuminated by one single bulb, its white light gives the place a creepy aspect and for a moment, he imagines he’s in a horror movie. But he discards the thought immediately.

He keeps walking, his shoes making a soft sound against the floor. He wonders if you’re sleeping right now or laying awake like you told him you do when you can’t sleep.

“Boo!” you say from behind and poke his ribs.

Ben turns over and his heart accelerates at your sudden appearance. Once again, you’re not wearing handcuffs.

“(Y/N),” he sighs. “What are you doing here?” Both of you know that you should be locked in your cell, sleeping or at least trying to.

“What?” you cinically say. “I went to the cafeteria to fetch some chocolate pudding.”

“No, you’re not,” he whispers, not wanting to gather the guards’ attention. “You’re supposed to be in your cell.”

“Ah, come on, Ben,” you whine. “It’s pretty boring to be on that tiny space 24/7.”

“No one said prison is fun.”

“Touchè…” You twist your mouth to a side and put your hands in your pockets. Then, you on a tone of triumph you add:

“But guess what I have?”

You take out your hands from your pockets and Ben sees two packages of chocolate pudding, the same ones they serve at the cafeteria. Plus, a pair of spoons.

“Wait…” He frowns.

“You thought I was lying? Not to you, Ben. Never.”

* * *

“This is the only thing I like of prison. And you of course,” you say as you eat your pudding. After almost begging Ben, you and he came to the same supply closet from the other day to eat. You’re sitting with your back against the wall and your legs stretched to the front.

“Mmm,” he growls. “It’s good.”

“You’re welcome.”

A few more minutes and both of you end with your food. You put the packages and the spoons to a side and then stare at the front.

“Ben?”

“Mhm?”

Your hand slides to the front and you grab Ben’s hand. He turns his head to look at you, like asking why did you do it.

You lean closer to him, your breath mingles with his. Then, you whisper:

“You have chocolate pudding in your face.”

The magic of the moment is over and Ben wipes his face with his hand. You can only laugh at how adorable he looks, with his cheeks and ears tinted with red.

“You miss a spot,” you say.

“Where?”

You lean again at him and this time you grab his face. He stays paralyzed, unable to look away from your eyes. When your lips are almost brushing his, you say:

“Here.”

Never in all his years of practice, Ben would think he’d be desiring a kiss from a patient so much, but he also never thought he’d meet someone like you. Your mouth feels delicious and he feels as if his body is set on fire. He passes one arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

“Wait,” you interrupt the kiss. Your hand tangled in his hair. “Are you doing this because you want to or because you’re scared of me?”

“Both.” His answer is short and honest.

“Fair enough.”

You continue with the kiss, his hand drifts to your hip and pulls you to him. Ben is surprised that he’s kissing his patient, the most famous criminal in the city and how warm your lips feel against his.

Your breaths mingled into this heated kiss and it’s only when you need to take a break to breathe, you pull apart.

“This is…” he tries to regain his breath. “This is wrong. What am I doing?”

“Calm down. It was only a kiss.”

“No,” he hurries to stand up and put some distance between you two. “It was more than that. I break my ethic moral, I… I abuse of my power over you.”

You burst out in a laugh and stand up. “Good one, Ben. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it.” You pat his chest two times and direct to the door.

Anger stirs within him, seeing how you laughed, how you acted as this was planned for you. Before you can walk out, he hastily grabs your arm, making you almost trip over.

“You,” he huffs.

If you were any other person, you’d be scared or at least cautious because of his reaction. But since you’re not any other person, just you, you widely grin.

“There it is,” you say.

“What are you talking about?” He shakes your body and the grip on your arm becomes tighter.

“The thing I saw on you. That darkness wanting to emerge.” You don’t mind the pain on your arm, it’s nothing, almost a pleasurable sensation.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lets you go and pushes you as he walks to the door. You roll your eyes at his tantrum but let him go, decided not to beg him.

With his hand on the doorknob and not looking at you, he says:

“Tomorrow I’ll transfer you with another doctor.”


	6. Normal

As Ben dresses in front of the mirror, he thinks about what happened last night. There’s no point trying to defend what he did but if somebody asks him if he regrets it, the answer would be no.

No, because he admits to himself he spent too many nights thinking about your lips, how they’d feel against his, how’d you kiss, how you’d hold him.

And this time reality was better than imagination. He can’t get out of his head how close he could see your face, your swollen lips after the kiss, that pair of eyes that don’t let him sleep because he thinks too much about them.

But he’s a professional and this shouldn’t happen. Perhaps it was his fault, at being so permissive with you and not setting boundaries. What it’s done, it’s done. Today would be the last session he’s going to have with you and then he’ll ask Nick Sandow to transfer you with another doctor. If he refuses, he’ll quit. Simple as that.

After he finishes to button his shirt, he takes a look in the mirror. He doesn’t know what you saw on him, there’s nothing special or different about him. He has always thought he’s a pretty normal guy, his frames making look a little bit older, his wavy dark hair cover part of his big ears and his nose stands out from the rest of his face. Yes, a pretty normal guy. Boring, he’d dare to say.

After observing himself in the mirror for a while, he picks up his briefcase that’s on a chair on his bedroom and walks outside his apartment. His heart feels as if it was heavier than normal and at each step he gives, he feels weaker.

* * *

Chad, your “favorite” guard, walks you to the familiar room where your sessions with Ben are. He opens the door and pushes you inside, but this time you’re not thinking about saying something witty to him.

On a chair in front of you, there’s Ben Solo. As usual, he’s wearing a shirt and his glasses. He doesn’t say anything when he sees you and neither you.

You walk with slow steps to the chair and sit down, then you put your handcuffed hands on top of the table and only then is when you speak.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me again.”

“This is our last session,” Ben says. You can notice how his voice shakes.

“Well, in that case…” You stand up, pushing the chair backward.

The sound makes Ben flinch and when he sees you approaching him he thinks you’re gonna hurt him. Maybe you’re gonna bite his neck like you did with that guard or maybe you have a weapon hidden between your clothes.

When you’re standing in front of him, he gulps down and stares at you. Then, you sit on his lap, your legs hanging from one side and you cuddle on his chest.

“W-what are you doing?” He’s frozen, unable to push you away.

“If this is our last session, this is what I want to do. Also, I’m hurt you thought I was gonna hurt you,” you say. He can feel your mouth moving against his chest.

“How did you know?” Sometimes he wonders if you can read minds or have any kind of supernatural power.

“Because you looked me the same way everyone looks at me. With fear.”

It’s at that moment that Ben understands that no matter how much power you have, how famous you are or how many people serve you, you’re as lonely as him. He feels embarrassed at what he did, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m not used to this.” He wraps his arms around you and holds you against his chest. From this position, he can smell your hair. Not that it smells like fruit or something nice, the shampoo of the prison is cheap but still, he likes the sensation of it tickling his face.

“I’m gonna miss you, Ben.” You sound melancholic, like a sad goodbye.

“I can come to visit you,” he suddenly says, not sure why he did. But now that the time has come he can’t stand the idea of not seeing you ever again.

You chuckle at his words, wanting to believe him, that it’s gonna be a real possibility. You lift your head and start peppering kisses on his neck. Light kisses that he can barely feel but they’re like a wave of electricity going through his body.

Ben hugs you harder and cradles you between his arms, with the desperation of wanting to hold you forever and never let you go. You look up at him with wet shiny eyes and he puts a kiss on your lips. It’s short, he barely touches your lips. It’s a goodbye kiss.

You stand up and walk to the exit, suddenly the door is open and Chad is here to take you away. You start to walk and when you’re almost outside you turn over and say:

“Goodbye, Ben.”

* * *

That night a storm breaks out in the city. Winds, thunders and rain attack it, making it look like the end of the worl more than a simple storm. Thunders illuminate Ben’s room and their noise makes the window glass shake. And since it’s usual since he met you, he’s lying in his bed but with his eyes wide open, fully awake, his mind working at a thousand per hour. Today he couldn’t do the process to change you from doctor. Nick wasn’t in prison all day so you’re still his patient. He thinks about the goodbye you had, like two lovers that were many years together and suddenly they break apart. Except you and he are not lovers, he’s your doctor and you’re his patient he repeats to himself. His mind accepts it but his heart refuses to.

The ring of his phone makes him jump out and he grabs his chest, trying to calm his heartbeat. Then, he takes the phone that was on his nightstand and sees it’s from the prison.

“Hello?” he answers.

“Doctor Ben,” the voice says. He vaguely recognizes as the voice of one of the guards.

“Yes, what happened?”

Maybe you’re having another mental breakdown, thanks to the storm. He wouldn’t be surprised. On nights like this, it seems the demons of each person walk freely causing damages.

He’s already out of the bed and looking for clothes to change when the guard tells him:

“We have a situation. With your patient, (Y/N)(L/N).”

“Is she alright?” he jumps to say.

“Doctor Ben,” the guard makes a pause. “She escaped.”


	7. Escape

“She escaped,” the guard says.

“What?” Ben has to sit down on the bed to assimilate the news. “How? When?”

“Listen, doctor, we have a mess over here so if you wanna know more, come, alright?” The guard doesn’t wait for Ben’s asnwer and he hangs up.

Still sitting on his bed, he thinks how it was possible for you to escape. Calm Valley have the most dangerous criminals and because of that, tons of safety measures. Your words of the las time you saw each other come back ot his mind. “I’m gonna miss you,” you said. You must already knew you were going to escape, that’s why the goodbye felt more serious, sadder.

Right now, Ben’s head is a whirlind of ideas so he shakes his head and put on his shoes. He’s going to Calm Valley.

* * *

“Someone inside here had to help her. That’s the only thing we can think of.” Nick Sandow explains Ben your escape in his office.

“Do you have suspects?” Ben asks. He stirs nervously on his chair, thinking they must suspect of him. After all, he got too involved with you.

Nick shakes his head and says:

“No one so far.”

“I see,” Ben nods. “May I see the tapes?”

“Yes, of course.” Nick types something on his computer and turns around the monitor so Ben can see the videos the surveillance camaras got.

In the videos, you appear still with your unifrom but with an AK-47, you walk freely through the corridors of the prison. A guard appears on the screen and tries to stop you but before he can do anything you shoot him. He falls down dead to the floor. The video has no sound but it’s clearly that you’re laughing out loud, celebrating your murder.

Why are you so different? It’s like you’re two complete different persons. One, the criminal, the killer, the girl who’s angry at the world and the other one, the soft girl who giggles and tells joke to Ben.

“She killed three more guards,” Nick says with a tone of grief. He doesn’t give a crap about the prisoners but with his work team is another story.

“And how did she leave?”

“A car was already waiting for her. She must had planned it for weeks.”

“I don’t understand.” Ben thought you were making progress, yes, your relationship was inappropiate, specially towards the end but still, you were getting better, being normal again.

“Don’t blame yourself, doctor,” Nick tries to comfort him. “These kind of people don’t have cure. They’ll always be criminals, the scum of the society. Now I gotta think what I’m gonna say to the governor.”

Ben’s chest hurt at the idea that you were manipulating him, using him. “May I see her cell?” he asks.

“Uh?”

“Her cell. I wanna see it.”

“Okay,” Nick doesn’t understand why he asked that but he has no problem with it. “I’ll tell one of the guards to walk you.”

* * *

 _The Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk_ Ben reads on the cover of the book. Besides the title and the autor, there’s the picture of a pink soap in a black background.

“We haven’t touched anything,” the guards says behind him. He waits for him at the frame door, not wanting to enter the place where the killer of his friends lived.

Ben puts the book along with the others on a small table and then walks to the bed. He sits on it and he notices how thin the mattress is. The guard is already gone, probably waiting outside. He observes the cell and tries to imagine what were you thinking when you decided to escape.

His right hand bumps with something under the blanket. Curious about it, he lifts the blanket and find a package of chocolate pudding. He feels a surge of happines and on his face a smile is drawn.

You must had left it there for him to find it, like a kind of message. Except, what kind of message? A goodbye forever or a see you soon?

“Did you find anything, doctor?” the guard returns and asks him.

“No,” he puts the pudding on his pocket. “Nothing useful.”

* * *

Ben bends down as he picks up a beer from the fridge, his hand bumps against the chocolate pudding he has been saving since he found it.

If two weeks ago he was hopeful about the meaning of the pudding, right now he’s the worst pessimist in the world.

He’s hurt and angry with a pinch of embarrassment. Now he sees the things in a clear way and it’s obvious that you were just playing with him. A toy for your boredness in prison.

Nobody in the city knows about you, at least nobody that he knows. Nick Sandow is desperate to catch you again and the news keep putting your photograph on air with a warning that you’re extreme dangerous and if anybody sees you they should call the police. It’s the same photograph he saw on your records: your mug shot. Now that he had a taste of your lips, he gets off with the idea of licking that trail of blood leaking down from the corner of your lips.

But even after, the anger and the resentment come back. He wonders what was true and what was a lie of what you told him. Probably you were lying all the time, entretaining yourself with him.

He crumbles down on the sofa, beer in hand and leans back his head. He inhales deeply, in a futil attempt to get rid of your memory. Did he do wrong by kissing you or somehow he create a bond with you?

A useless bond, he painfully thinks. Too immersed in his own misery he almost misses the sound of someone knocking the door.

He straightens his upper body and looks for his frames to check the hour on his phone. It’s ten pm. Next, he gets up from the sofa and goes to the door.

He has no idea who could be looking for him at this hour, probably someone who’s at the wrong door. He opens it and what he finds, leaves him frozen.

“Hi,Ben,” you say.


	8. Trust

“Hi, Ben,” you say.

“What…” he stumbles on his words. “What are you doing here?” He looks you from head to toes. You’re wearing black jeans and a tight black shirt. On a side of your right leg you’re carrying a knife and on your left hand, you’re carrying a gun.

“You’re a doctor, right?” You walk into his apartment, not waiting for him to invite you in.

“What happened to you?” he asks when he sees the trail of blood you’re leaving on the floor.

“Before you became a psychiatrist, you became a doctor, right?” You walk nervously from side to side. “I need you to patch me up.” You show him the arm where you’re carrying the gun and he sees a deep large wound on your forearm.

“Yeah, of course,” he says when he sees the amount of blood coming from the wound. “Let me get my first aid kit.”

* * *

“This might hurt a little,” he tells you.

“I’m a tough girl, I can take it.” You’re sitting on his sofa and he’s next to you cleaning the wound so he can stitch it.

He has to clean the sweat of his palms before starting. The needle enters your flesh and your upper lip twitches. Other than that, you show no sign that it hurts.

“How did it happen?” he says, closely watching the wound and stitching it.

“I tripped,” you say and then laugh. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem, right?” He finishes and put the items he used inside the aid kit.

“What are you talking about?” you say observing how the wound is.

“That you don’t tell me anything, I’m just here like your toy, waiting to be used.” He grips his lips and stares down at the floor. He shakes his head and tries to contain the tears.

“Hey,” you slide close to him and grab his face so he looks at you. “Did you get the pudding?”

“Yes, I get the fucking pudding,” he spits out and flinches away.

“Then you know I’m not playing with you. I told you, you were the only thing worth my attention in that stinky hole.”

“Why did you escape?”

“You wanna know the truth? You think you can handle it?” You stand up and grab your gun from the table.

“I’m a tough guy, I can handle it,” he sneers.

“I was already bored of that place but the main reason was that you’d never do anything with me as long as I was your patient.”

You left Ben speechless, thinking about your words. Meanwhile, you kneel in front of him and open his legs with the gun.

“Pretty boy, I’d never lie to you, I told you.” At your sweet words, he softens and you put the gun against his head. “Are you scared?”

“I’m scared of many things but not of you,” he says and holds your gaze, not putting the gun away.

“You’re finally believing in me.” You smirk and run the gun down his face. You put it against his chest and you mimic a “boom”, then you return it up, to his mouth. “Suck, pretty boy.”

Ben stares at you, with the gun stuck on is his mouth. He huffs, breathing fast, considering what you asked.

But he closes his eyes and hollows his cheeks around the barrel of the gun. He senses a metallic taste on his tongue and the coldness of the gun.

“Enough,” you say. You take the gun out and stand up to throw yourself at him. Your mouth latches into his and your tongues join into a sensual dance.

“Ben,” you moan. You’re not good at words so you try to tell him how much you missed him with kisses.

He lets out an animalistic growl and sits you on his lap, with your knees at his sides. He grabs the back of your head and tilts his head to a side to kiss you deeper.

You begin to grind your hips against his lap and soon you feel a hard bulge against your clothed pussy.

“You’ve been in my mind all this time, not letting me for one single second,” he says. “Always there, not letting me do anything else but think of you.”

“You’re not the only one,” you smirk. “How do you think I got this?” You lift your injured arm and show it to him.

“If we’re doing this,” he moves back and grabs your face with both hands. His gaze is intense and serious. “We’re doing it right.”

“What do you suggest, doctor?”

“Bed. Now.”

He gets up, carrying you in his arms and walks to the bedroom. It’s a small space where the bed is in the center, and then a mirror, a dresser, and the closet.

You and he fall on the bed, tangled in a passionate heated kiss. His body covers you completely and the weight of it it’s comforting in a sense.

But like in every situation, you have to have the control, so you roll over until you’re on top of him.

“Let me,” you start to say but he shuts you with a kiss. “Let me take my clothes off.”

With a groan, he lets you go and you get up to get rid of them. As you peel the clothes off of you, his eyes are fixed on you. It’s obvious he yearns of you, to the point where you could take advantage of it. But you won’t. Because you might be a heartless criminal, but there’s still a part of you, a tiny part inside of you, that was asleep, waiting to be awake by a person like Ben.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers.

You lay on top of him and press kisses on his face, then on his neck and you unbutton his shirt. You do the same with his pants and the rest of his clothes, leaving him naked like you.

You take a moment to admire his naked body and a burning sensation overwhelms you. He’s perfect in every sense. His broad chest, his thick thighs, his beauty marks. Even his cock is kind of pretty.

You bend down and devour him with kisses until your face is at the same high of his cock. You can see the lust on him, it’s written all over his face. You open your mouth and engulf his cock in one swift motion.

You think you heard him say a curse and he bucks his hips at you. You rub your tongue under the shaft and bob your head up and down.

“I’m gonna come,” he huffs. “You’re gonna make me come.”

You put your mouth away from his cock and take a moment to steady your breath. He wasn’t small in any sense and you had to make an effort to swallow him whole.

You climb his body and give him a long deep kiss. His hands travel from your hair to your ass and he squeezes it.

“Can I do the same?” he asks.

“What? Eat me out?”

He nods, hopeful that you’ll say yes. Because more than returning the favor, he wants to know how you taste and have you panting and stirring against the mattress.

“Maybe another time,” you say and throw your hips back, trying to catch his cock.

He’d be upset that you said no, but you said another time so that means this is going to repeat. He couldn’t be happier about it.

As the tip of his cock bumps against your skin, he bites back a moan. If he lets you ride him, he’s not going to last so he rolls you over.

“Someone wants to be in control,” you say in a playful tone. You run your fingers through his hair. It’s soft, just like him.

“Since I met you I wanted to do this. It’s only now that I’m admitting it out loud.”

“Because I was your patient?”

“Because I thought you had no feelings.”

He grabs his cock and directs it to your pussy. He sinks down in you and your legs open to accept him all.

“I have feelings for your big cock,” you joke.

“Yeah,” he laughs. “You should.”

He thrusts inside of you, slow but steady. The two of you looking at each other, telling you with your eyes what you can’t express with words.

“Ben,” you whisper. He keeps fucking you, filling you. “I need you to fuck me.”

And he obeys you. He slams his hips against yours and accelerates his pace. His pubic bone rubs against your clit and you undulate your hips, trying to follow his rhythm.

“Ah!” you moan with no shame. You puff your chest out and Ben’s mouth latches in one of your nipples. A wave of pleasure, like a hit, travels to your clit.

He keeps moving, fucking you, filling not only your pussy but your mind and you explode in pleasure, your orgasm is long and intense.

He feels how your pussy clenches around him and he puts his face in the crook of your neck. His hips keep moving until he comes, a shiver traveled down his spine and he has to hold you to settle in reality.

You breath hard, just like him. Your chests moving in unison. You comb his hair in a maternal way and he stays inside of you.

“I love you,” he confesses, still flying because of his orgasm.

“I know,” you answer. “I have to go.”

You push him away from you and get out of the bed, looking for your clothes. Meanwhile, Ben is hurt about what happened. The anger from before returns and now he isn’t sure about you.

“You’re mad at me.” You start dressing as Ben lays on the bed, staring at the roof and a pout on his lips.

You finish with your clothes and put on your combat boots and he’s still in silence.

“When I was a kid,” you start to speak. You sit on the bed, with your back at him. “My mom was murdered by a man called Snoke. She was his lover and that night he was too rough with her, I heard it all from my room. The please’s, the screams, the cry… the hits.” You take a moment before continuing. “Before he left, he patted my head and told me to behave, as nothing had happened.”

“(Y/N…)” Ben says and sits on the bed.

“That’s why I became a criminal. To revenge my mother. And up to this day, I’m still looking for that bastard.” You squeeze your eyes, not wanting to cry. Because you know once you start you’re never gonna stop. That’s why you haven’t cried since that night.

“Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because you don’t think I trust in you when it’s the opposite,” you turn around and hold his hand. “You’re the only person I trust in this world.”


	9. Promise

Over the next months, a new routine settles in Ben’s life. Every three or four days, he arrives at his apartment and finds you there, already inside. Luckily, you haven’t come back injured. But you still carry a gun at all times with you.

“Why can’t I know where you live? Where do you go?” Ben asks you. You and he lay on his bed, his hand tracing delicate circles on your back.

“I’m protecting you,” you answer.

“Protecting me from what?”

“From everyone. I got a lot of enemies, Ben and I don’t know what I’d do if something happens to you.”

“Will you ever say I love you back?” He changes the topic to something even more touchy. He’s a sentimental man when it comes to you and he can’t avoid saying those words everytime you’re together.

“Yes, when you’re dying,” you joke.

Little do you know that’s exactly what it’s going to need to happen for you to say the words.

* * *

It happens on Thursday, at 7.38 pm exactly. Ben returns from his work at Calm Valley prison. Nobody there knows or suspects anything about him or your relationship.

He finds the door of his apartment open and he smiles to himself, excited that you came to visit him.

“Babe, don’t leave the door open,” he says at the same time he enters.

“Hey, babe,” one of the three men waiting for him says.

Ben stays at the door and notices the guns each of them is carrying. They’d shoot him faster than he can run.

“Who are you?”

“We’re friends of (Y/N),” he says and then looks at the other two men. “Aren’t we?”

“Let me call her,” Ben says, in an attempt to negotiate with the men. He’s about to grab his phone from his pocket when the three men approach him.

“Grab him,” the man who looks like is the leader tells the others.

Ben tries to escape, to run through the door but they’re faster and they got him. He fights against their hold, twisting his body but it’s useless, two against one is no good news for him.

They take him to the sofa and make him sit. They stay at his side, watching him closely.

“What do you want?” Ben says. His heart beats fast and fear for his life settles down his stomach.

“I want you to tell (Y/N) that no one threatens me with putting a bullet between my eyes and get away with,” the man says. He slaps him and makes his glasses fall off. “Hold him, don’t let him move.”

The other two men grab each of Ben’s arms and Ben’s eyes go wide with panic as he sees the leader taking a sharp knife out of his jacket.

“No!” he screams and tries to get free. “Please, no!”

The leader puts the tip of the knife above Ben’s eyes and starts cutting him, sliding the blade down his face. The blood coming out from the wound mixes with Ben’s tears. His jaw quivers from the immense pain the man is causing him. Where are you? Didn’t you say you were protecting him?

“Done,” the leader says with the knife on Ben’s shoulder.

Finally, the men let him loose and scoff at him. He crumbles down on the sofa, blood sliding down his face and neck.

The three men laugh at him and Ben wishes that they kill him fast if that’s they’re gonna do. But without saying another word, they leave the apartment.

He tries to grab his phone to call 911 but the pain is too much and makes him numb, unable to think straight. The last thing he thinks before he passes out it’s you, that you fail him in your promise to protect him.

* * *

Ben rouses from a heavy slumber, lazy thoughts flooding through his mind, trying to make connections. He flutters his eyelids a few times until he can focus his gaze. He feels as if his face was split in two, a burning heavy sensation on it.

“Ben?” someone at his side says.

He turns his head to see who’s calling him and sees a woman wearing a white robe, her face covered with a surgical mask.

“What happened? Where am I?” His throat is dry so his voice comes out groggy.

“It’s me, Ben.” You push down the mask and he recognizes you.

“(Y/N),” he says. Memories of what happened to him come back to his mind and judging by the room, he’s at a hospital.

“I failed you.” Your jaw quivers as you try to not break down in tears.

Ben wants to say that he wants this to be over, that he can’t be at risk because of you but another person in the room gathers his attention.

“Chad?” he says.

Chad, the guard who used to take you to the sessions with Ben, is standing behind you. His hand crossed at the front.

He nods and says:

“Dr. Ben.”

“What is he doing here?”

“He’s my bodyguard,” you answer. “Been with me since day one and has never failed me.”

“I thought you hated him!” he exclaims. The pain on his face momentarily forgotten thanks to the silly chat.

“I had to make it look believable,” you grin and push his hair out of his forehead. He flinches in pain and your heart beats with sorrow. “I love you, Ben.”

“What?”

“I love you and I promise you no one will ever hurt you again. The ones who did you this, they already paid for it.” You turn to tell something to Chad and he passes you a newspaper.

“Look.” You give Ben the newspaper and he squints his eyes, trying to read. His mind is still a little foggy.

He reads the news about three men of a gang being killed and disfigured with a knife. When he finishes reading, he folds the newspaper and leaves it aside.

“And how you’re gonna protect me, uh?” he says, with a hint of resentment. “What is it gonna be next time? Because this time it was my face, but then what?”

You grip your lips and clench your jaw, trying to contain the cry. Hearing the complaints of Ben is so much worse than seeing him laying on this bed. You take a deep breath and then speak:

“This time you’re coming with me.”


	10. Kylo

“How is your wound, baby?” you ask Ben.

“Better. Too bad for the scar,” he answers.

“Are you kidding me?” You swim in the big jacuzzi you are and sit on his lap. “You look like a badass with that scar. I think I like you more now.”

“If you say so,” he chuckles and presses a kiss on your lips.

It has been two months since those men, now dead, assaulted him. And as you promised it, you took him with you, to live at your place. He even quit his job, only to be pampered by you. And he has to admit, that being treated this way feels good. It’s the first time in his life where he gives control to someone else and not care about anything.

You live in a huge apartment that’s on top of the building. Several rooms, all decorated with fancy furniture are available for Ben, to do whatever he wants with them.

“That was nice,” you say. “Give me another one.”

“You’re greedy,” he jokes. And gives you another kiss.

“Mmmm,” you moan and introduce your tongue in his mouth.

Ben’s arms surround you and his cock fills with blood at the feeling of your nipples rubbing against his chest.

When the kiss is over, you grab his lip between your teeth and bite him, making him bleed. Some of the blood smears on the corner of your lip and Ben remembers your mugshot. It’s a very similar look.

“You’re incredibly hot, did you know that?” He doesn’t give you time to respond when he licks his own blood from your lips, just like he imagined doing it so many times months ago.

You continue kissing him, your hands shoved into his wet hair. His right hand travels to your ass and gives it a squeeze, next, he slides one finger on your pussy.

You feast on his mouth as he fingers you at a slow torturous pace. During this time you’ve learned to give control and go at his rhythm.

“Say it,” he says against your lips.

“I love you,” you say without trouble. You don’t care to appear weak or needy, not after you almost lost him.

“I love you too.”

He grabs your hips with both hands and makes you grind against his cock. Your clit rubbing against it, making your thighs shake.

“Ben, don’t tease,” you whine. He’s the only person in the world you’d talk like this.

“Come, baby.” He lifts you and sits you down on his cock. The stretch feels divine and you open your mouth in pleasure.

You hold onto his shoulders and move up and down, riding him. He cups his breast and squeezes them, then he takes one to his mouth.

“Oh, fuck.” Your eyes roll back when his tongue makes contact with your nipple.

The hand that it’s not grabbing your breast, goes between your legs. Thanks to the water, your clit feels slippery and he rubs it over and over.

“Ben,” you huff. Your peak almost here.

“Come in my cock, (Y/N), come on,” he orders you, bucking his hips.

There’s something about the way he tells your name and thinks he can boss you around that makes you come. Pleasure rips through your body and you dissolve into it.

You sob against his mouth and next, he’s the one coming, blurting an “I love you” as usual.

You kiss again and feel like starting all over when a knock on the door interrupts you.

“Boss,” Chad says from the other side of the door.

“Come in,” you tell him, still sitting on Ben’s lap. But you don’t care, his body covers yours so Chad won’t see anything.

Chad obeys you and enters the bathroom. Already used to find you and Ben in situations like this he’s not surprised and he doesn’t say anything.

“No, Ben, stop,” you giggle as he gives little bites to your ears and neck. “What’s up, Chad?”

“We found him, boss,” he says.

“Found who?” You’re still laughing thanks to Ben.

“Snoke.”

Your smile erases immediately.

* * *

“What are you gonna do?” Ben asks you. He has been following through the bedroom for the last five minutes.

“I don’t know,” you sternly answer. As soon as Chad left, you got out from the hot tub and start dressing.

“Let me come with you.”

“No,” you say. You put your knife on your left leg and look for your gun.

“(Y/N), please,” he insists.

“I said no, Ben.” You turn to look at him and your gaze hardens.

This is the (Y/N) everyone talks about, he thinks.

Knowing there’s nothing he can do to change your mind, he approaches you and leaning his forehead against yours he says:

“Promise me you’ll be safe.”

* * *

What Ben doesn’t know is that your gang have Snoke already, tied in the basement, with a few bruises only. They want to leave him untouched for you.

You go downstairs to the wide basement. This is the place where you usually keep your “guests” and if the walls could talk they’d tell horror tales to fill with blood and torture.

“Snoke, you bastard,” you talk to the man tied to a chair. A light bulb faintly illuminates the room with its yellow light.

Snoke keeps his head down, not answering you. He’s wearing a fancy suit that it’s stained with his blood.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you!” you yell at him and slap him.

“I see…” he begins to talk. “That you’re not that little girl anymore.”

“You motherfucker!” You explode in anger. Years ago you were just a little girl like he said, but not anymore. Now you’re (Y/N)(L/N), the most powerful criminal in the city and it’s payback time.

You push him by the forehead, his neck bending backward. Then, you stretch your left hand and say to your gang:

“Lighter.”

Chad, being your number one, is the one who hands you a lighter. You turn it on and put the fire on his forehead. Ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds pass and Snoke removes on his sit, he moves his head trying to get away from the fire but it’s useless.

“That’s for the pat you gave me that night,” you say, removing the lighter. The skin looks reddish and raw. “I haven’t even started for what you did to my mom.”

“What are you going to with him, boss?” Chad asks you. “The usual?”

The usual means of shooting him on the anus and leave him to bleed until he dies. One of the most painful deads ever. You’ve seen it from close.

You’re debating in your mind what kind of dead the motherfucker deserves when you hear a voice from the stairs.

“(Y/N)?”

“Ben,” you turn around and find him already going downstairs. “How long have you been here?”

“Since you called him a bastard.” He’s already dressed in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. He’s barefoot and his hair is still wet.

“Leave, now.” You didn’t want to him seeing this side of you. You’ve hidden this part of your life from him because you’re scared he’d feel disgusted. Of course, he knows you’re a criminal but he never sees you actually doing it.

He walks forward, passing Chad and the rest of the gang. His eyes fixed on Snoke, who has a grimace of pain.

“Ben,” your voice shakes, clearly nervous that this will be the end of your relationship. “Please, leave.”

“Tell your gang to leave us alone,” he says in a calm way.

“What?”

“Tell them to leave.”

You do what he said and your gang abandons the place, confused on what just happened.

“This is the man who killed your mom? Are you sure?”

“I could never forget that ugly face,” you answer.

Ben raises his fists and punches Snoke straight in his nose, breaking it and making it bleed. You gasp at the sudden outburst of Ben.

Next, he turns at you and grabs the gun from your hip. He points it at Snoke’s head and Snoke only laugh.

“You don’t have the guts, boy,” he sneers.

“Ben, no.” You raise your hands at him so he can give you the gun. “You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“This bastard ruined your life, (Y/N)!” he shouts.

“I don’t want you to stain your soul! He’s not worth it!” you cry out.

“Listen to your mommy, boy,” Snoke says. Ben can’t understand how your mom agreed of being the lover of such a horrid man.

“Please,” you beg him.

Very slowly, Ben puts the gun on your hand. Thinking it’s all over, you relax a little. And because of this, you don’t see what’s coming next.

After leaving the gun in your hand, Ben grabs the knife from your left leg. Turning to Snoke, he stabs him right in the heart.

Snoke’s eyes bulge out and he opens his mouth in surprise. His shirt filling with blood. After a few hard breathes, his head hangs down. The man who killed your mother is dead. She can finally rest in peace.

“Ben… Why did you do it?” You don’t think he was capable of such thing because you always see him as someone too pure and innocent. And you tried your hardest to preserve that. Until now.

“I’d do that and more for you.” His tone is serious and he doesn’t stutter a bit. “I want to be part of everything in your life.”

“Do you know what you’re asking for?” Snoke’s dead body is long forgotten. That’s the power you have on each other. You can make you forget even the most morbid things in the presence of each other.

“I know. I’m aware of it.”

“And you’re willing to do that? To accept for who am I?”

“(Y/N),” he chuckles. “I already accepted you since the first time I saw you and you told me you liked my shirt.”

“Then,” you look at your side and see the pathetic Snoke. “Welcome to my life.”

Ben stretches his hand at you and you take it. You walk out of that basement leaving your past behind. You, the dead of your mother and Ben, the person who he was. He comes out of that basement turned into someone new. A change was necessary to be part of your life. A change he didn’t know he needed until he met you.

* * *

_Epilogue_

“Good evening,” the host of the most important news program in the city says. “There are still no news about the capture of (Y/N)(L/N). The information we got so far is that another criminal has joined her. Kylo Ren is the name this man uses. His real name is Ben Solo and was the former psychiatrist of (Y/N). How did she manage to turn him into a criminal like her…” she makes a pause and then adds, “That’s something we still don’t know. And we might never know.”

The photo they put on the screen shows you wearing a black bralette and black jeans, at your side and hugging you by the waist, is Kylo, with a black shirt and black pants. You have a .45 on your hand and he has an AK-47 hanging on his shoulder. Both of you are wearing black bandanas that cover half of your face, part of the scar of Kylo is showing.

“These couple has caused furor among the people in the city, calling them the new Bonnie and Clyde. But do not let be fooled. They’re criminals and should be treated like that. If you have any information about them, please, call the police. Do not try to stop them, they’re high dangerously and have no care for human life.”

The camera makes a close-up to your picture, zooming in your eyes, the only part that’s not covered by the bandanas. And even though your faces aren’t showing, the daring looks are clear. As if you were saying that you’re invincible, powerful, undefeated. (Y/N)(L/N) and Kylo Ren got this city in their hands. And as long as you got each other, the world can burn.  

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me: tumblr.com/bad--bad--man
> 
> Kofi: https://ko-fi.com/badbadman


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